A New Element Discovered . . .

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While going through some papers at home the other day, I came across a typed piece of paper from back in the days before computers and the internet, when office humor had to be laboriously typed and copied on mimeograph machines, then passed around hand to hand among friends. Sometimes these primitive forms of communication were actually mailed in paper envelopes with odd bits of colored paper known as "stamps" stuck on them with a form of glue that had to be licked to moisten it. It took such pieces a bit longer to make the rounds, but they did circulate nevertheless. My father gave me this little gem years ago, so with no further ado, here it is (a Google search tells me the author was one William DeBuvitz) :
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................................... . . . . . . . . . ...............PRESS RELEASE

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........................................................NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED
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The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by investigators at a major U.S. research university. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons. This unusual atomic arrangement would result in an atomic number of zero. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 312 a.m.u..
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These 312 nuclear particles in an Administratium atom appear to be held together by a force which involves a continuous exchange between meson-like particles called morons.
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Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes all worthwhile reactions it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium caused one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in within milliseconds.
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Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years. At the end of this time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.
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Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere but tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings.
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Scientists are careful to point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration. It will impede or easily destroy all productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate or comes in contact with. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be rendered harmless or at least be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising. Reports thus far have indicated that the likelihood of success along these lines is rather low.
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All I can say is that I think my existence at present has been invaded by a large cloud of noxious Administratium gas, which is preventing me from doing one of the things I have come to love best over these past few years, namely getting out to visit your blogs, or responding to your ever challenging, inspiring, and lovable comments that you have been leaving here. I am currently seeking large ventilation units to help dispel the clinging, lingering, poisonous Administratium gas, right now I can barely see for all the blistering mustard colored fog in the environs. I think it acts as a powerful neuro-toxin.
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A few more photos from the chemical mines visited in the previous post seem appropriate.
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The sorcerer's apprentices left their kitchen uncleaned . . .
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A veritable chamber of horrors . . .
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I think it is the "fate" component here that is the operative part of this name.
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Since when is water not for drinking ???
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Eye protection required !
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A surprising number of people are saying the end is near these days.
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This may be an actual sample of Administratium in its most toxic form. Rather fascinating, if you ask me, the same way one is fascinated by a rattlesnake.
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