Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A New Element Discovered . . .

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While going through some papers at home the other day, I came across a typed piece of paper from back in the days before computers and the internet, when office humor had to be laboriously typed and copied on mimeograph machines, then passed around hand to hand among friends. Sometimes these primitive forms of communication were actually mailed in paper envelopes with odd bits of colored paper known as "stamps" stuck on them with a form of glue that had to be licked to moisten it. It took such pieces a bit longer to make the rounds, but they did circulate nevertheless. My father gave me this little gem years ago, so with no further ado, here it is (a Google search tells me the author was one William DeBuvitz) :
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................................... . . . . . . . . . ...............PRESS RELEASE
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........................................................NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED
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The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by investigators at a major U.S. research university. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons. This unusual atomic arrangement would result in an atomic number of zero. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 312 a.m.u..
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These 312 nuclear particles in an Administratium atom appear to be held together by a force which involves a continuous exchange between meson-like particles called morons.
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Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes all worthwhile reactions it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium caused one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in within milliseconds.
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Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years. At the end of this time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.
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Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere but tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings.
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Scientists are careful to point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration. It will impede or easily destroy all productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate or comes in contact with. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be rendered harmless or at least be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising. Reports thus far have indicated that the likelihood of success along these lines is rather low.
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All I can say is that I think my existence at present has been invaded by a large cloud of noxious Administratium gas, which is preventing me from doing one of the things I have come to love best over these past few years, namely getting out to visit your blogs, or responding to your ever challenging, inspiring, and lovable comments that you have been leaving here. I am currently seeking large ventilation units to help dispel the clinging, lingering, poisonous Administratium gas, right now I can barely see for all the blistering mustard colored fog in the environs. I think it acts as a powerful neuro-toxin.
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A few more photos from the chemical mines visited in the previous post seem appropriate.
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The sorcerer's apprentices left their kitchen uncleaned . . .
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A veritable chamber of horrors . . .
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I think it is the "fate" component here that is the operative part of this name.
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Since when is water not for drinking ???
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Eye protection required !
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A surprising number of people are saying the end is near these days.
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This may be an actual sample of Administratium in its most toxic form. Rather fascinating, if you ask me, the same way one is fascinated by a rattlesnake.
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36 comments:

Jimmy said...

There is something definitely poetic about abandoned buildings. Magnificent photies as per usual.

Le Journal de Chrys said...

Je na sais pas où c'est mais j'aime ces explorations étranges!!!! Cela donne toujours des photographies particulières!

Lydia said...

All of these images are powerful in their own right, but together (and with the ones from the preceding post) they are photo-journalism depicting our times. The one of the broken glass needs to be a poster, I think!
I enjoyed the old office piece and found it fascinating that, with Google, the author could be identified. So much for gluey stamps and mimeograph copies and ......

Marginalia said...

I found that copious layers of good humour and hard work along with a sprinkling of scepticism wonderfully absorbed most of this deadly element.

Occasionally a fascinating nuclear reaction would take place between some of the morons and the aforementioned absorbents leading to the release of creativity, collective working and that elusive "good feel" particle, the positron.

mythopolis said...

Well, clearly, this recently declassified document on the existence of Administratium confirms my paranoid suspicions. And while it would be officially denied, we now know that Administratium bonds readily with Corporatium, as well as Militarium. Whenever this complex molecule is freed it grows like a cancer by sucking all the money out of the world. Only an element known hypothetically as Revolutium can neutralize it. Otherwise, we are doomed.

Steve said...

I'm slowly fossilizing beneath 5 cubic tonnes of Administratium...

Lena said...

Hang in there, Owen...
These last few weeks have been real busy and exhausting for most people I know... (I always say the year truly starts in April... and once it starts it just wants to do all it didn't do for four months... Shame on it!)
Warmest hugs!

K'line Bloom said...

La science-fiction finit parfois par rejoindre la réalité...:(
Cela fait longtemps que je ne suis pas venue par ici, je me suis un peu égarée dans les méandres virtuels...:°
Peut-être ai-je été en contact avec des substances toxiques, one never knows...Bise Owen...

clo said...

Howdy Owen....
A toujours traîner dans des endroits pareils tu vas finir par nous attraper un truc pas net..le laboratoire des apprentis sorciers...oui K'line a raison,la SF rejoint la realité..j'ai cette sensation depuis pas mal de temps,les scenari catastrophes réels ressemblent de +en+ aux mauvais films que l'on voyait a la tv quand on etait jeunes..
bon toujours est il que tes photos ,toujours abstraction faite de ce qu'elles impliquent sont étranges ,insolites ,incroyables,et j'aime beaucoup...:o)
Un endroit glauque qui fait presque peur...mais presque bien , au travers de ton regard...
Fait attention a toi..ne joue pas avec des substances toxiques mon cher Owen...tu sais bien que c'est dangereux...:o)
Des bises ,des bisoux,....

Céline said...

Lol Owen !! Veux-tu parler de ces temps reculés où l'on vivait sans cell phones ? ... Ces temps anciens où la musique s'écoutait sur des galettes noires ?? Cela dit, Administratium était déjà là... Une des rares choses communes entre le passé et le présent :-(
En plus de m'avoir fait rire, ton histoire me rappelle des souvenirs de mes études de chimiste, époque où le tableau périodique n'avait aucun secret pour moi, où je m'amusais à faire virer des solutions du bleu au rose ou à fabriquer des petits cristaux jaunes (pas aussi beaux que les cristaux oranges de ta photo) et mieux encore à fabriquer du nylon...
Pour tout cela un grand merci Owen.
Des bises

Pastelle said...

Le texte sur l'Administratium, et ta manière de le présenter, sont hilarants.
Et j'adore ta chambre des horreurs. Je ne sais pas où tu as trouvé ça mais j'en connais qui rêveraient d'aller faire des photos là dedans.
Et maintenant, sors de là ! ;)

ρομπερτ said...

makes one wonder how much earth is able / willing to bare. thank you for your view into both past, and probably future as well.

please have you all a good wednesday.

Owen said...

Hey there Jimmy, it's a strange and wonderful kind of poetry one finds in such places where man has abandoned what must have become a dead end enterprise, to simply walk away and leave, renouncing any capacity to master the monsters he has created, the Frankensteins lurk in dark factory halls... if never gone into such a place, and not come out feeling the richer for the experience, even if only for having dared to enter at my own risk and peril. The act of simply baring witness to such, to such, well, whatever you wish to call it, the enormity overwhelms my vocabularic depths this evening.

Be well Jimmy, I was catching up on some of your writing last night, and lapping up every morsel... you certainly have a way with words !

Owen said...

Chère Chrys, plus que particulières, les photos, et les lieux qui donnaient naissance aux photos... il manquait sérieusement quelques gouttes de Chanel #5 là dedans, je ne pourrais même pas commencer à décrire les odeurs qui regnaient dans cette grotte d'horreurs chimiques, laissé à l'abandon...

Owen said...

Hi Lydia, glad you like the eye protection piece, on the broken window, that little juxtaposition of absurdity really struck me as hilarious when I came across it in that unbelievable theatre of the fascinatingly terrifying, there were no end of thoroughly marvellous sights there. As for photo-journalism, well, I'm still a'waiting, a'waiting for an editor to call. But one mustn't give up hope...

Owen said...

Marginalia, many thanks for helping to keep this all in perspective, I'm glad to learn of the existence of positrons, if you could send me a few kilos of them I'd be most obliged ! Yes, copious amounts of good humour should clear up these encounters with that dreadful, fearful, most horrendous of elements, the moron encumbered Administratium atom.

Owen said...

Hey Myth, Your vision is lucid and crystal clear, I guess the hard part is not letting paranoia destroy ya... The operative word in your final remarks I think is "cancer". I've never seen a place so likely to be truly carcinogenic, room after room after room of the most appalling array of chemical waste. I can only imagine it was one of those places where people went home after work on a Friday, and then found the entire factory padlocked and chained shut on Monday morning, and no one was allowed back in. The whole place was just like people went out to lunch and never came back. A true little shop of horrors...

Owen said...

Steve, oh no, I'm on my way with a pick ax and jack hammer, sorry you got contaminated. I should have put a warning up about not touching any of these photos...

Owen said...

Dear Lena, I think you are right about the season running riot after the sluggish start, now nature is going bananas here, feels almost like summer already...

Hugs to you to, hope the pup is behaving himself in your good care, not chewing the furniture or anything...

Be well !

Owen said...

Dear K'line, ah, te voilà, je me demandais par où tu es partie, et je t'ai même pas entendu rentrer... mais peu importe, suis content de voir la trace de tes ailes de fée qui ont fait des tourbillons dans la poussière par ici. Oui, c'est bien du science fiction des années '50, quand les chimistes et scientifiques allaient régler tous les maux du monde avec des produits miracles. Et maintenant, 50 ans plus tard, on se retrouve dans de sales draps. Jusqu'où tout cela va aller ? Je me le demande bien des fois. Rentrer dans un site pareil relève de l'aventure pure et simple, témoigner des horreurs de notre époque et un devoir civique je pense, surtout quand c'est à risque de l'arrestation pour avoir mis le pied et l'oeil là où l'on n'est pas censé aller, car on n'est pas censé savoir que de telles choses existent.

Désolé pour mon silence et absence, j'avais vraiment de un nuage toxique d'Administratium qui avait envahit ma vie; il fallait se débarrasser de ce fardeau avant toute autre chose...

A bientôt et bises,

Owen said...

Howdy Clo... je ne peux même pas te dire quel grand bien ton passage fait ce jour... mais je peux t'assurer que tu laisses un sourire de plaisir et bonne compréhension dans ton sillon, ton sillage... Et oui, je vais tâcher de ne pas choper des saloperies pas nettes dans ces endroits, mais la chandelle en vaut la peine je pense, et important de faire circuler les traces visibles de ces visites insolites...

Grands bisoux et bonne journée ou soirée à toi !

Owen said...

Oh là Céline, donc visiblement tu connaitrais ces sujets plus que bien, si tu avais tout le tableau périodique en tête... mais tu ne touches plus à ces matières pour la plupart assez toxiques, comme ces cristaux oranges ????Cela se sentait à 20 mètres que ces substances étaient empoisonnées. J'osais à peine m'approcher... attraction fatale. A bientôt...

Owen said...

Hi Pastelle, bon, je suis vite sorti quand je t'ai entendu crier de sortir, oui, en courant suis sorti de là, courage, fuyons vite, vite, vite, avant que le nuage toxique nous ratrappe...

En fait c'est dans un pays lointain, de l'autre coté de la mer, et apparemment il est devenu depuis quelques mois difficile de visiter librement comme avant, car une présence et surveillance policière plus tendues qu'avant... Bref, un endroit qui fait rever, mais mieux que cela reste dans le domaine des reves...

Owen said...

Tag Robert... the earth is indeed baring her secrets, which are becoming harder and heavier to bear as time goes by. Who knows what the future will hold in store... Cause for concern...

Stickup Artist said...

Woah! Mr. DeBuvitz is extremely clever and makes a great statement, but the real impact comes from the visuals you have created to accompany those words. It always amazes me how many sensitive and sensible people there are, yet "those calling the shots" persist on this insane course. I believe the earth has the power to heal itself and has been extremely patient with the constant attacks, but fear her patience is wearing thin. We will not like it when she rectifies the situation. Love photos 2, 3, and 6!! Great compositions and especially great lighting, for me, in those particular images. Sometimes you make ugly look too beautiful :-)

Owen said...

Stickup... I think Mother Nature is pretty pissed already, and will only get more so as we persist with our utter folly.

Sometimes ugly IS beautiful... like ducklings turning into swans.

...louciao... said...

I would leave a comment but the form I filled out in quintuplicate has not yet been approved and certified as authentic by the Centre of Authoritarium Commentarium Advisarium (or CACA for short). But I would have chuckled at the humour of the written piece and the shocking clarity of the exposures.

Amanda said...

this was priceless!! thanks for the laugh today, owen - i needed that!!!

Mary Ann said...

Love the laboratory shot.

I hope you'll soon to break free from whatever it is that's bugging you.

Elisa said...

Oh, yes I remember also these kinds of letters. Yours are very funny ;)) Have a nice easter time!

the watercats said...

how the hell did you get into that place!! I want to go there, it seems so exciting and dangerous.. how is all that stuff still allowed to just sit about?... ghhaaaahhh!... why aren't there any cool abondoned factories like that around here! *sulks

The Sagittarian said...

How amazing that you can find places like this and seemingly gain entry so easily! Great photos and observations....(sent by fax)

James said...

Great stuff! I love looking a pictures like these. There is a certain beauty about ruins.

Komodo Island is the New 7 Wonders of The World said...

wow...glad be here and read your cool post..thanks

Dee Newman said...

Better known as depleted ignoranium or enriched plutocratium . . .

Roxana said...

i am so sorry to hear that you have so much job-related stress these days, recently i have also been so busy that i can hardly catch up with my favourite blogs :-( the 'chemistry' text made me smile, and then i shuddered when i retraced your steps in those chambers of hell. what a great journalist you would have made, Owen, really... and it also fascinates me how one can separate, in a photograph, the content from the picture itself, no matter what horrors are depicted there we can still be enchanted with the picture and praise its beauty. one of the paradoxes of art...
hugs, dear friend, warmest hugs...